Feb 15

The Buzz

More than a week out of silence and the meditation continues. So do the insights and understandings but until now, the words/time/energy to share any of that here has eluded me. Rather than even attempt a comprehensive exploration, I have decided to break it down into an unknown number of moments (“frames”). There will be no particular order (neither chronological nor by significance). None of them necessarily “mean” anything. Each of them are somehow significant…

Meditative Moments and Odd Occurrences (Part 1 of ???) – “The Buzz”

I didn’t know it was a Monday. For me it was day 16, a lot like the 15 preceding it, but up to this point a relatively disheartening one. So far, the day had been a series of tired (I thought I was over that weeks ago), distracted (my mind was everywhere), even painful (not usually a problem) sittings. There had been doubts (“What am I doing here?”), idyllic fantasies about my next destination (Varanassi, a town I have never enjoyed) and a general feeling that I was wasting my time.

Now, there was a buzz in the air. Not a figurative one, this was literal. Everyone knows the sound of a mosquito buzzing by your ear. When the mosi leaves, the buzz goes with it. But not now. The single buzz just faded into the bigger buzz of countless mosquitoes circling the room choosing their seemingly idle targets. But they don’t concern me (nothing does). The few parts of my body not covered in at least two layers of clothing are covered in at least two layers of toxic deet (and this is good for me?).

The second sugary chai (milk tea) during our sunset tea break gets some credit for my alertness. This delicate balance has been carefully researched. Chai in morning leads to mid-day fatigue, as does the starchy porridge breakfast (both of which were give up in the first week). So, I have been eating only fruit for breakfast. This makes lunch the only real meal of the day (which is fine) and makes my late afternoon chai(s) my only real “treat”. As I was worshipping this treat one recent afternoon with full attention rapturously focused on lifting the mug, savoring the taste and quickly repeating, I wondered what I might look like to anyone else. A line from an old Billy Joel song came to mind. “There’s an old man sitting next to me, makin’ love to his tonic and gin.”

Back to the present…

I hear monks chanting from the neighboring monastery. I don’t remember hearing them begin to chant. Nor will I notice when they stop (but they are there in that moment). Even the noise from the distant road (about 170 yards/paces from the meditation room should anyone have soooo much free time to actually count, twice) is a non-factor. I am completely content. At ease and awake in the present. This presence is not the goal but it is a very pleasant reminder that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

…Keith