May 20

Sharing Bad News

A Yogi’s Journey with Parkinson’s – Volume 8

There is no easy way to share bad news…

Not that I have any experience being pregnant or “coming out of the closet”, but I suspect those disclosures are similar to my announcement in at least three ways: (1) There is an “appropriate” order of disseminating the information (i.e., parents, family and “speed-dial” friends first); (2) Some will be upset that they heard the news via the grape vine; and (3) Others guessed your secret a while back and wonder what the big deal is.

It took me more than a month to prepare the announcement that I had been diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease (“PD”). I knew it would raise many diverse questions (not to mention reactions). So, I wanted to be able to direct the recipients to information and resources. And, I wanted those resources to be personal and positive. So, I starting binge blogging, but “saving” not “posting” until everything else was in order. In hindsight, this delayed posting was overly protective as no one (other than “trollers”) had visited my blog in a very long while. Maybe as I keep posting that infrequency will change?

There was an added level of complexity because I was preparing to share very personal information with business associates (an often dodgy proposition made more so by our stifling legal environment).

First, I covered my bases by notifying (specifically not asking) the numerous owners/managers who employ me that I was preparing to share my diagnosis with my students. All the responses were appreciatively supportive. Perhaps I should be more concerned about those that did not respond? No time or energy for that now.

My next concern was for the people who had already agreed to attend the Yoga In Sedona Retreat in October. I had already accepted their deposits (which I unquestioningly would have refunded), but it felt wrong to wait until after they purchased airline tickets to tell them I had a “condition”. I would have been surprised if anyone backed out for that reason (and no one has), but it fell into the category of “do the right thing”.

It took a full  week to tell my 18 regularly scheduled classes. Just as each class has its’ own personality each responded a little differently. All were amazingly supportive. There was a remarkably similar event that happened in multiple classes…

It started as a private moment, with a lone student approaching me to wish me well. I respect the courage that takes, because there is no “right” thing to say (Hallmark doesn’t have a card for this and there is nothing to be “sorry” for). That awkwardness was heightened as others approached and stood tentatively near, waiting to add their sentiments but not wanting to interrupt. Then like a slow-forming whirlpool, the individual energies were pulled closer and we stood together. Words were exchanged, but they were of minimal significance. Having let down my barriers and shared my truth, emboldened others to drop their shields and risk coming a little closer. I was no longer the teacher, holding space as is my task during class. The group was holding the space solely for me. This energetic embrace was so incredibly warm and supportive it approached the edge of uncomfortable. I have heard it said we are not well-practiced in receiving. I hope I was able to express even a small bit of the appreciation I experienced.

My broadest announcement went out lastly, to my yoga distribution list and Facebook friends. While I was greatly touched by the earlier responses I was overwhelmed by the supposedly soul-less social media. It was not just the kind and caring words of appreciation, love and support. It was not just the very generous donations. It was not just the hopeful and helpful referrals to doctors, healers and others facing the same daunting journey. It was the sheer volume of the responses.

Please be patient as I find time to read and re-read your messages with the same presence and heart-felt awareness from which they came. I will do my best to respond to as many as possible, but sadly acknowledge that it will be less than all of them. So I will end this volume here with a humble and simple THANK YOU!

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DISCLAIMER: The views expressed on this site are my opinions. My words should not be taken as a substitute for qualified medical expertise. This blog is designed to chronicle my journey, share what I learn in the process, and connect with others on a similar path.