Apr 07

Alone, Not Lonely

Blogger’s Note – All of my blogs about India were time delayed for numerous reasons. These last two (3?) are even more delinquent as I have been hard pressed to find the appropriate writing energy back here in USA. Maybe that makes them even more significant? Probably not…

Alone, Not Lonely…

Many people thought it was odd that I was traveling alone. For me, the more interesting aspect of this trip to India was that I was taking it on an “upswing”. The first time I went to India in 1998, I had recently left the corporate finance world and I was “lost” professionally. The last time I went to India in 2002, I was going through a divorce and I was pathetically lonely. This time, I was (and am) in love with my partner, my profession and my life. So, traveling alone was not a big deal.

I actually enjoyed my alone time and found that I sought it out. Partly, this was a protection mechanism from the bombardment of India: “Hello, HELLO, what is your country?” Three weeks of silent meditation was another obvious isolator. But even when the sangha (meditation family) came out of silence, moved on to Sarnath and became quite social, I still kept some distance. This is a stark contrast to my 2002 trip to Sarnath where I was hoping (even “expecting”) to meet special someone. This time I was quite happy to share conversations when they arose, but I often walked, ate, practiced yoga and even meditated alone.

That practice continued when I got to the beach in Goa. I was on “retreat” again, but a yoga retreat is much less intense than a meditation retreat. Four hours of yoga a day is a lot of yoga, but 20 hours a day is a lot of free time.

Part of what I value in a retreat is setting up routines and/or rituals. This gives us the chance to build healthy practices or break unhealthy patterns. There were only eight of us (including our instructor, Heather) on the retreat. Most of that contingent would spend the days together on the beach. My routine was less social. After yoga and breakfast, I would wash and hang a load of clothes (I regularly sweat through about half of my wardrobe each day), enjoy a carefully timed tanning session (15 minutes a side), shower, then meditate on my veranda.

This routine still left me a couple of hours until the afternoon yoga session. When I did choose to connect during this period, I gave shiatsu treatments where I could connect energetically and verbally with one person at a time. The universe greatly aided my ability to choose independence when my assigned roommate flaked out of the retreat because the door happened to be locked when he arrived two days late.

My favorite daily “ritual” came after the day’s second yoga session. I would walk down to the beach for a sunset swim. There were a couple of days of heavy surf, but most days I could just float and play in the waves as the sun fell peacefully into the sea.

Even with my isolated ways, I couldn’t help but like and bond with the others in the retreat. As Paulo Coelho suggested, “Groups are very important because the force us to progress…Groups create a collective energy and ecstasy comes more easily because everyone infects everyone else.”

I always thought it funny when students of mine declined to attend retreats because they didn’t have a friend or a partner to accompany them. We all need time to re-connect with ourselves. That’s exactly what retreats are for. The group bonding occurs naturally when others around you are sharing similar inward journeys.